


Mama Mia, Papa Pia, Hope You Don't Have Gonorrhoea

by Hanky Panky Franky (AshaDasha)



Category: Donkey Kong (Video Games), Super Mario & Related Fandoms
Genre: Funny, I hope?, M/M, Meatballs, Parody, Sex, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-08
Updated: 2017-02-08
Packaged: 2018-09-22 21:53:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,677
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9627083
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AshaDasha/pseuds/Hanky%20Panky%20Franky
Summary: What happens when Mario and Donkey Kong have secretly loved each other for decades and have a pubescent-fantasy-esque romp around the bedroom? Find out in this humorous, yet strangely arousing tale of two heroes past their prime.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Nice to See You Again](https://archiveofourown.org/works/9626960) by [AshaDasha](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AshaDasha/pseuds/AshaDasha). 



Round brown eyes flicked to and from the clock to the door.

The clock ticked steadily on, and the eyes followed the movement of the second hand as it went around the face again and again, while the door stayed uncomfortably still. Five wide toes kept tapping the rough wooden floor, sending small tremors throughout the treehouse with each _thump_. A bright red tie hung around a thick hairy neck and lay against a massively broad chest. To go along with the short breaths, the chest moved quickly and silently, but to its owner, it felt like the heart inside was thudding hard like his bongo drums.

For such an imposing figure, Donkey Kong had never been more nervous in his life.

Minutes ticked by without incident. The treehouse was looking unusually clean. There were no banana peels lying about, though there was a sizeable pile of bananas themselves next to the bed, which was freshly made, and the table was sporting what looked like a self-made table cloth. Fibres stood out every inch or so, and the lines on the checkerboard pattern were off, but it was the best Donkey Kong could do with his mediocre tools.

Just as Donkey Kong’s eyes were counting all of the loose fibres again, a soft rap on the door caused him to jump with such alarm that the tie around his neck flapped up and hit him in the face.

“Hello?” came a soft voice outside. “It’s, uh, me”.

Straightening his tie again, Donkey Kong walked quickly over to the door to let in his guest. The door creaked loudly as it swung inwards to reveal the red-capped, bushy-moustached man Donkey Kong had been anticipating.

“Hoogh hoogh,” Donkey Kong grunted happily in greeting.

“Ah, hello DK, it’s-a good to see you,” grinned a bright-eyed Mario. “May I come in-a-side?”

Donkey Kong shifted quickly out of the way, noticing the big steel platter in Mario’s hands for the first time as the plumber stepped through the doorway. A tantalising aroma found its way into Donkey Kong’s nostrils, which widened considerably to take in the delicious, spicy scent.

“Ah, you seem-a to be enjoying my cooking already, eh?” said Mario, setting the platter on the table. “Mama’s recipe, I think you’ll enjoy it.”

They both sat down and Mario took the lid off the platter.

“Ta-da!” said Mario with a flourish of his arm. He looked up at Donkey Kong to find him staring hungrily, not at his delicious spaghetti and meatballs, but into his eyes. Mario stared back for a moment, before smiling knowingly at the hulking ape before him.

“I see. So _these_ were not-a the meatballs you were looking forward to.” Mario sighed at Donkey Kong’s forwardness, but on the inside, he was rather thrilled himself. It was the first time in a long time that they had seen each other after all, and his own desire had been starting to stutter impatiently inside of him. He pulled out his chair and had barely gotten to his feet when Donkey Kong had moved up next to him and swept him up off the ground.

“Hoogh hoogh,” grunted Donkey Kong excitedly, feeling his animalistic needs spur within his groin, and carried him to the bed.

“Mama mia, DK, you really are impatient!” called Mario, grinning at the towering Kong holding him. The ape firmly but gently placed him upright on the bed, and without further ado, kissed him. Mario could taste the bananas on his breath, but he didn’t care, he loved it, he had been waiting so long for this. He pushed himself further against the beast’s chest, crushing the carefully flattened tie between them, and wrapped his hands as far as he could around Donkey Kong’s soft brown back hair. Their tongues intertwined like contortionists as their lips gripped at each other. They broke, and Mario, drawing on the mysterious strength that had made him such a hero in the Mushroom Kingdom, took hold of Donkey Kong’s midriff and spun him down onto the bed beside him, using the momentum to situate himself on the ape’s waist.

“DK…” Mario sighed, breathless with arousal, and Donkey Kong could only stare entranced at the plump, portly plumber who had pilfered his heart so perfectly. Mario took off his hat and threw it, ruffling his thick hair, and the hat bounced once before landing next to the table. Donkey Kong sat up, catching Mario’s back with his huge beastly hands, and pulled himself up face to face with Mario. Mario took off his right glove, and caressed Donkey Kong’s face gently.

“My Kong…” He whispered, before he closed the gap between them once again. Their tongues resumed their fierce wrestle, grappling each other here and there like wormy lucha libres. Mario tore off his other glove which joined the hat near the table and grabbed the back of the ape’s head, pulling him further towards him in such a way as to almost merge Mario’s skull with his. Donkey Kong fell backwards on the bed, they broke their kiss once more, and Mario sat back on Donkey Kong’s waist again, feeling an immense pressure beneath him. Mario’s mouth opened in a slight breathless smile as he unbuttoned the suspenders on his dungarees. Donkey Kong watched the suspenders slip unsupported down Mario’s front and his eyes drank in the sight of Mario reaching under his red shirt to pull it off. It was gone in one clean manoeuvre, as he had done previously hundreds of times, and the moonlight streaming through the window made the sweat forming on his small pot belly glisten.

“Hoogh hoogh” grunted Donkey Kong as he scrabbled at the tie at his neck, trying to loosen the knot. Mario leant back on Donkey Kong’s waist and pulled his dungarees down and off his legs, showing off his prickly leg hair. It was fairly sparse, much unlike the brown hair covering most of Donkey Kong’s body. The dungarees and tie dropped to the floor at almost the same time, and now the only piece of fabric separating the two from each other was Mario’s off-white briefs. There was a fairly respectable bulge there, and Donkey Kong’s eyes flicked longingly between it and his lover’s eyes.

“Are you ready for this-a… golden banana?” muttered Mario in a husky voice that only came from his lips when his mushroom was as hard as this.

“A-hooo, hooga hooga hooga, hoogh hoogh!” grunted Donkey Kong rapidly, barely containing his desire to simply rip off the briefs with his teeth right then and there. Mario reached down and slipped off his briefs and out popped his flesh-coloured plumber’s pipe. Upon the sight of this, Donkey Kong’s own banana started to rise up like a piranha plant, nearly lifting Mario up off his waist.

“Oh DK,” murmured Mario, feeling the stone-stiff growth beneath him, “have you been eating super mushrooms? Or have you always been this-a big?”

“Huhm huhm” growled Donkey Kong indignantly. Mario raised an eyebrow.

“Oh yeah? Then prove it!” Mario felt the tip of Donkey Kong’s mushroom rub against his curly black ass hair, and could feel the ape preparing to 1-up his sewer pipe. “Wait! My body isn’t ready! I need to be lubed up first!” Donkey Kong reached around to the banana pile next to the bed and tore off the skin with his teeth. His spat the peel onto the ground and reached behind Mario to squash the banana up inside his Yoshi Valley. He rubbed the mushed banana back and forth, moistening up his Choco Mountains, before looking to Mario for confirmation. The plumber prepared himself by puckering his pipe and nodded.

Donkey Kong shifted his hips and his banana split Mario’s warp pipe for the first time, something that both of them had been secretly hoping for for years. Mario moaned as Donkey Kong’s barrel kart drifted slowly up his raceway before reversing back out. After a few experimental thrusts to fully loosen Mario’s castle gate, he gave into his beastly nature and began to pound away at it like he was stomping a Kremling. His meatballs were slapping hard against Mario’s brown hill zone, filling the air with the sound of a piece of ham being thrown at a plate of jelly over and over again.

“Oh – yes – mama – mia – give me – that – Donkey – Dong!” Mario said in between thrusts, feeling his underground caverns contract around the ape’s Bullet Bill. He fell forward against Donkey Kong’s chest, revelling in the contact between them, drawing in his musky scent. He gripped hard around the ape’s shoulders with his hands, feeling the hair between his fingers as he tried to steady himself against Donkey Kong’s conquest.

 Donkey Kong’s eyes were almost rolling back into his skull. He grunted and groaned madly as he lost himself in the ecstasy of the moment, feeling the plumber he had wanted for so long finally clenched firmly around his palm tree. His muscles tensed up, their breaths came fast and ragged like gasps, and before the both of them knew it, Donkey Kong’s coconut gun was firing in spurts.

As they lay there, Mario felt his Italian pie filling up with mushroom sauce. He wrapped his arms around Donkey Kong, who in turn wrapped his arms around him, and they embraced, feeling each other’s hearts thumping against their chests. The warmth satiated something that had clawed at their insides for years before this night. Mario lifted his head and gazed into Donkey Kong’s eyes. Minutes went past as wordless messages passed between them, before Mario finally uttered the words they had both been feeling.

“I… I-I love you,” Mario stammered. He thought he saw the sheen of tears in Donkey Kong’s eyes for a moment, but the ape blinked, and it was gone. Instead his mouth broke into a wide smile.

“Hoomh, huhmmmm,” hummed Donkey Kong contentedly. They kissed one more, letting their tongues play a furious game of Twister for the last time, and fell asleep interlocked, finally at peace.

**Author's Note:**

> Aww hell yeah boyo, this is where the meat and gravy's at.
> 
> I originally started writing this just to get back into writing, and I thought "Hey, instead of just writing smut, I'll try to make it funny" and I hope I've done a good enough job to make you giggle or chuckle a bit. Halfway through I was like "Huh, I could turn this idea into something not so depraved" so I did, and you can check my works page for the actual version I tried to put some human emotion into.


End file.
